On How to Write Great Friendships - Badger Beat #0016 - Today Could Be the Day - Glowfriends

I was going through tumblr and saw this really good reference for writers about friendship in fiction. If you're like me and have a hard time writing the friendship dynamic in short stories (or in my poor sucky attempts at NaNoWriMo), this reference actually is great. You can visit the original post here. Disclaimer: this post was not written by me, so I do not take any credit for it. I do however want to share it to everyone for the benefit of mutual improvement in writing fiction better. And friendship is magic!

PS: Since it's supposed to be Throwback Thursday, I featured pictures of me and my friends, Nic, Neil and Marga back when we were still the Impromptu Road Trips Club circa 2011. Wow, this is really nostalgic.

***

Modern fiction is sorely lacking in friendships - and I don’t count friendships that evolve into romantic relationships. I’m talking about a real old-fashioned friendship that has no romantic connotations or potential whatsoever. Romance and sex are great, but they’re not the end-all, be-all.

Types of Friendship

• You’re OK. That person that you talk to rarely, but you’ve heard good things about them. You talk to share opinions on stuff sometimes, but you don’t have a lot of shared interests and you never hang out. Anyway, you don’t mind working with them on group projects.
• Acquaintance. That person who you make small talk with on a fairly regular basis. You know the basics of their life and they know the basics of yours. You get along well and you’ll work together if your better friends aren’t around. You have a mild interest in each other but rarely hang out.
• Friend. That person who you hang out with on a fairly regular basis. You share many interests, such as humor, media (books, shows, etc.), sports, hobbies, and/or opinions. You, at least, have a strong interest in their life and they ideally have a mild to strong interest in theirs. However, there are things you keep from each other and you would probably not help them bury a body.
• Life companion. That person who you hang out with as much as you can. You share many interests, have a strong interest in each others’ life, and keep very little from each other. You always work together when you have the chance. You would probably help them murder someone.

Basically, you don’t need to make friendships only people your MC (Main character) grunts at in greeting or besties 4ever. There’s a whole spectrum and I invite you to play with it.

Problems with Friendships in Fiction

• No friends. The character literally has no friends, even if they have ample exposure to people their own age or sharing the same interests. I understand that a lot of your characters are introverts. So am I. I spend an unhealthy amount of time blogging and I still miraculously have friends on the outside. Even total jerks will probably have some jerk friends.
• Shallow friends. The friends the character does make are rather one-dimensional. They don’t seem to do anything when the MC isn’t around. If they have a life outside the MC, they are usually dating or hanging out with other friends, making them little better than acquaintances. 
• Sycophants. This applies chiefly the the MC’s enemies but also the MC. The MC’s enemy has an inexplicably large amount of followers without a reason for it. I would get it if the enemy has wealth or power, but surely there are some people in there that the enemy likes or something about the enemy that makes them charismatic. If the MC has a large following, their friends will fawn over them and/or drop anything to help them, without a real reason why. I often don’t understand why the MC has so many friends, especially if they’re angst-ridden world-savers.
• Friendship = romance. NO IT DOESN’T. Astoundingly, you can be friends with someone of a compatible gender without experiencing sexual attraction to them. As a pansexual, it would be very awkward if I was sexually attracted to everyone I befriended. Also, whenever I hear the phrase, “Marry your best friend”, I puke. I would not marry my best friend, thank you very much (incompatible orientations aside) because our friendship is built on a different kind of intimacy. Romance can develop from friendship - especially if your character is demisexual - but please stop making every single friendship of compatible genders turn romantic.
• "Like a brother/sister to me." This is the plague of male/female friendships. Listen, guys, friendship and fraternity are two different bonds. They’re like apples and oranges, especially considering the bond you have with your siblings rarely maps directly to a bond you have with one of your friends. You’re also discrediting the entire idea of friendship, as if it can’t exist without a familial vibe.

Benefits of Friendship

• Shoulder to cry on
• OK with touching each other
• Long-running inside jokes
• Trust
• Shared interests
• No judgement - if there is a disagreement, you ideally agree to disagree or have a controlled debate about it
• Exposure to new things

But, you cry, that is exactly like a good romantic relationship without the sex! That’s the point. You can have all the good emotional/intimate things about a romantic relationship without the sex! And you should have important relationships without sex, because they are real and do happen IRL. Also, chances are - especially if your characters are young or unmarried - their closest relationships will be with friends.

Awesomeness of Friendship (Plotwise)

• Friendships don’t tend to end or begin with a bang. So you can have your character slowly deal with the creeping fear their friends are abandoning them or deal with the creeping realization that someone is becoming closer to them in a good way.
• Your MC has difficulty budgeting time between their significant other and their friends
• Friends make great secondary characters and interactions with the MC will bring out their character as well as the MC’s
• Killing off good, well-developed friends really will motivate your MC instead of blase, kind-of-friends the author usually opts for
• BrOTPs (although make sure they are BrOTPs and not a form of queerbaiting)
• Gives your character a larger network of people to emote with, other than the usual lover, mentor, and friend the MC abuses a lot
• Toxic friendships that drive the MC into dangerous situations
• Friends give the MC someone to trust outside the usual parents and/or mentor
• Separation from friends can be very stressful, just as getting friends back can be a huge motivator
• Many relationships are based, in part, on physical attraction. Your character doesn’t have a “type” for friendship - they can be anyone your character likes or identifies with
• Instead of doing everything themselves, the MC can delegate tasks to trusted friends, therefore lessening their stress
• Good friends make good confidants, giving your MC someone to emote to in a non-romantic manner
• The MC will be concerned with their friends’ life, giving the author ample opportunity to bring in subplots revolving around the friend and their goings-on. Alternately, if you want to torture your MC without actually torturing them, you can torture their friend.
• A group of friends gives the MC a circle to hang out with - not doing anything important or special, but just sitting around and unwinding. They can play games and share opinions - seriously, when’s the last time you read a book where the character played? Playing (board games, sports, beer pong, whatever) gives the MC a great chance to unwind.
• If your character are traveling in a group, friendship gives you more bonds that the usual “main couple” and “people who are wildly jealous/supportive of them”. Ew. Stop.
• A couple of you have messaged me asking about how to show intimacy between asexual and/or aromantic characters and others. Friendship is how!
• Just like your MC’s rash decisions often make enemies, they can make friends as well - friends who will come in handy later in the story
• A common trope I see in fantasy books is the loyal servant, who smuggles the princess to safety by disguising her as a whore and sneaking her out the back entrance. The servant has no real reason to save the princess other than “She’s the princess!” Friends would have ample reason for smuggling their friend to safety, no matter the cost.
• Friends will disagree. And - in my experience, at least - disagreements are less permanent and/or explosive in friendships than they are in romantic relationships. So you can really show characters who disagree without ending their association with each other.
• Totally gets rid of the cliched “orphan hero grows up on farm” storyline. Send him to his parents’ friends. They would be happy to care for him, even in secret. And don’t tell me all his parents’ friends were killed.

***

File under: Beat#0016 - Today Could Be the Day - Glowfriends (Jam Records)

Last.fm Popularity: 1,429 listeners

Why music bloggers would like it: April and Mark Morris proves to be a sweet vocal partnership that lends syrupy sweet, yet nuanced, vocals to a rather dreamy track, filled with a soaring chorus, tasteful guitar work. It's not flashy, but it gets the job done.

Why I really like it: Not only is it featured on the Teen Wolf soundtrack, but it's just so damn hipster. Look at that low listenership on last.fm! Buts in all seriousness, I love how it's a paradoxical mix of uptempo beat with quiet vocals and sort-of sad lyrics.

Fave lyrics:
"Please don't leave me in this way,
take me now, take me now."

If you liked this, you might also like:
Filthy Halls - Apple Horse (Apple Horse)
Resume - Val Emmich (Val Emmich)

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On Jelo's Birthday - Badger Beat #0015 - Bulletproof - La Roux

Happy Birthday to my dearest brother!

And I know we are going to have so much fun eating at Viking's later with the parentals.

***

File under: Beat#0015 - Bulletproof - La Roux (Polydor Ltd)

Last.fm Popularity: 1,113,061 listeners

Why music bloggers would like it: British synthpop combining eighties electropop nostalgia with the timelessness of uptempo dance synths. Elly Jackson wows with vocal fervor, with lyrics delivering a confident yet playful adieu to a heartbreaker.

Why I really like it: La Roux has been my fave pansexual in like forever. Her music is the bomb, and I wish she'd release her new album sooner. Bulletproof has been my fave, even before it got featured in Pitch Perfect, which I found to be a good thing, because it introduced her to mainstream listeners. PS: Let's just say my brother and I have a strange love-hate relationship with La Roux.

Fave lyrics:
"I'll never let you sweep me off my feet."

If you liked this, you might also like:
I Love It - Icona Pop (Big Beat Records Inc)
Love Long Distance - Gossip (Sony Music Entertainment)

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Legacy Beats: Friend Zone Excuses - Beat #0014 - Time to Say Goodbye - PAWWS

I'll start a new feature in my blog known as Legacy Beats, where I'll dig up some of my old blog entries from previous blogs, and expose them to my readers. Most of it will probably by throwback material, like features of old pictures or adventures, and maybe even some articles or poetry I've made.

Today, I'll do a throwback to one of the popular entries I posted in my old blog, Justin Just in Time, on a rather controversial topic: the Friend Zone! I'm not sure I 100% agree with myself now, but generally speaking I still find most of what I wrote to be true.

***

Originally written on January 12, 2012

Yesterday, I met a friend and we discussed about a variety of things related to relationships. Over the course of our discussion, we chanced upon the concept of friend zones and what not.

My conclusion after that discussion was this: the friend zone does not exist. Some may be taken aback by this statement, but bear with me a bit. The friend zone does not exist. It is merely a ploy used by people, as their euphemistic way of rejecting you lightly, without sounding that harsh.

"Oh, I don't date friends. It won't work out." "Sorry, but you're like a brother to me." "I don't want to ruin what we already have." "I'm not good enough for you. You deserve better than me." Bullcrap! All of it is bullcrap! None of those rejections are heartfelt at all. They are merely candy-coated rejections, where when you get to the chocolate shitty center, it just means "I'm just not that into you." "I'm not attracted to you." "I just don't like you that way."

Debunkery number one: The "I don't date friends" excuse is bullcrap. I've heard this a couple of times with some friends and acquaintances of mine. A few years later, I find out that they're dating a close friend of theirs. That's just so weird and hypocritical, it's not even funny. They should have just told the truth and said that "Oh, you're a friend of mine, but a friend I wouldn't be dating." At least that's the truth.

Debunkery number two: The "I don't want to ruin what we already have" excuse is bullcrap. It's actually more likely to ruin the friendship to give such a half-hearted excuse as that. Give me the real reason, and not some baloney you managed to whip up in an instant.

Debunkery number three: The "You deserve better than me" excuse is bullcrap. What I deserve is you! Don't tell me what I don't deserve or do deserve, because I just made it quite clear that you're what I feel I deserve. To give this kind of excuse is just plain retarded. Often times, it is a projection of the actual feelings of the person who is saying it, that in actuality what she meant to say was "I deserve better than crappy little you."

I think the world needs to stop sugarcoating the truth and let this emotional limbo die out (like what the Catholic tradition did with the real limbo). The friend zone does not exist, but friendship does. Maybe one should just say that you're not attracted to that person or not interested, but that you want to remain friends.

On a final note, a word of advice to friendzoned guys (and gals) everywhere. Watch for the warning signals. You kinda have to start feeling whether something is just a friendly hang out, or a romantic date. You can't just assume anything, because nowadays, there are a lot of people who are incredibly nice to the point that you feel its romantic connection. Even worse, there are people who are just nice so they can get something out of you. Don't just jump in and assume it's love, coz for the most part it's not. I don't want to sound like a DJ Heidi here, but I'm just being practical.

Till next time! Hope you enjoyed the article, and keep yourselves out of the friend zone limbo.

***

File under: Beat#0014 - Time to Say Goodbye - PAWWS (ASL Records)

Last.fm Popularity: 3,933 listeners

Why music bloggers would like it: North Londoner Lucy Taylor presents a heartbreakingly dazzling track that seems instantly likable and effortless. Half eighties throwback, half clean line production, Time to Say Goodbye is a mix of pristine vocals and fairy dust, a sweeping ballad for loves lost.

Why I really like it: It's a heartbreaker song from a female vocalist with a feather thin voice. And man those lyrics will cut through you like! And have you seen how she has less than 4000 last fm listeners? Much hipster! Wow!

Fave lyrics:
"And I can't believe that it's really it's time to say goodbye,
I guess you know when you've both got no more tears to cry."

If you liked this, you might also like:
Savious - LIGHTS (SIRE Records)
Strangers (ft. Tove Lo) - Seven Lions & Myon & Shane 54 (Casablanca Music LLC)

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On Jogging Tunes - Beat #0013 - Pompeii - Bastille

Many people have it in their new year's resolutions to try and lose some weight over the course of the year. But losing weight, or at least trying to get into a healthier lifestyle, can take a lot of effort, particularly dieting and exercise. For the most part, dieting is the secret to losing weight. However, exercise is what helps build muscle mass and will help maintain a fitter you in the long run.

However, exercising, especially for most people who don't have the time, will usually involve just some basic cardio like walking or jogging, which is for some a rather monotonous activity, which makes many give up on it just after a few runs. One tip that helped me personally to keep up with my daily cardio is to listen to tunes will doing my routine.

Music can be a great motivator. Tunes with the right lyrics can keep your energy up, especially in challenging routines you do for cardio. From personal experience, I find that music with lyrics I can relate to help in keeping me alive in tough workouts, not just during my cardio runs around our village, but also during weight training.

One of the tools you can use is jog.fm, which is an outstanding little site that helps you find songs that match the pace of your run/ jog/ walk. This is important because timing the songs' beats with the cadence of your jog can help keep you going at a certain consistent pace, and sometimes helps in speeding one up in jogs.

To begin, you have to check how fast you do your cardio routine. This can be easily done by approximating how fast it takes for you to finish a kilometer. Try this over a couple of days, and find the average pace of your runs/walks. For instance, last year, at my fittest, it took me around five minutes to finish a kilometer. Just insert this number into jog.fm, and it will find you songs at an appropriate bpm (beats per minute) which will match the cadence of your runs/walks.

For example, a My 5-minute per kilometer pace matches songs which are around the 160-170 bpm mark. Some of my favorite jogging songs last year were:

• Five Minutes to Midnight - Boys Like Girls (164bpm)
• Living Louder - The Cab (176bpm)
• She's Not Afraid - One Direction (84bpm x2)
• Foreign Language - Anberlin (174bpm)

This new year, I wanted to try a different pace, since I stopped jogging for three months. So, I wanted to recondition my body by starting at a slower pace. I approximated a 7.5-minute per kilometer pace, and that means songs that are at 120-130 bpm.

• Closer - Tegan and Sara (138bpm)
• Levels - Avicii (126bpm)
• The Spark - Afrojack (126bpm)
• Beauty and the Beat - Justin Bieber (128bpm)
• Pompeii - Bastille (127bpm)

It really all depends on your individual taste in music, as well as your desired cadence. At the end of the day, the music is there to break an otherwise tiresome and monotonous activity, and make it into something that's not just manageable, but fun at the same time.

***

File under: Beat#0013 - Pompeii - Bastille (Virgin Records Ltd)

Last.fm Popularity: 435,245 listeners

Why music bloggers would like it: Catchy indie pop with consistent bass and drum combination leading to an infectious and anthemic hook. Dan Smith's soothing vocals give life to the drama of the song's lyrics.  

Why I really like it: This tune is perfect for a light jog. Aside from its fist pump inducing sound, it leads a jogger to a rather nice cadence, good for beginners.

Fave lyrics:
"But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?"

If you liked this, you might also like:
Chocolate - The 1975 (Dirty Hit Records)
King and Lionheart - Of Monsters and Men (Universal Republic Records)

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On the First Half of January - Badger Beat #0012 - World Spins Madly On - The Weepies

The first half of January is a mix of emotions. There were a lot of highs, and a ton of lows as well. But overall, it was manageable. I guess this is the taste of what 2014 has to offer. And as the world spins madly on, it is important to remember that there's always a tomorrow which we can make better than today.

So, a bit of a summary for the first half of January. I posted some pictures from this first half of the month. And some thoughts and ideas I had. Plus some videos I discovered.

***

Five pictures from the past two weeks

Celebrating the New Year at MOA! #fambam

An important win versus UST at the SJ Arena

Dinner date with the one and only Madame Karen

Videoke session with the balikbayan Kuya Au, and Karen and 'te Rach.

Ryan Ng visits Ateneo! He treated me to Bonchon!

***

Five thoughts over the past two weeks

* Walking With Dinosaurs 3D was a flop. I watched it with my parents this week. The animation was incredible, but the plot was flimsy. I found it to be a rehash of many traditional hero plotlines, with a romantic subplot, and the comedy was unbearable. So much potential wasted. I think it would have been better if they just let the dinosaurs be without the voices. The anthropomorphization of the dinos was horrendous. I wanted a real dino film. This is not a real dino film. Disappointed. 4/10 will not recommend.

* Horrible losses for the Golden State Warriors. The first was at home versus the Denver Nuggets, which should have been a breeze. The second was a rather unlucky game against the Thunder at OKC. It was Durant's night, with a career high 54. This is considering the Splash brothers were both playing superb offense, the defense was not able to contain Durant. You know you're in trouble when the usually inefficient Kendrick Perkins is suddenly an offensive threat. What the hell.

* Another horrible loss came this week in the form of the loss of the Ateneo Lady Eagles to the De La Salle Lady Spikers. It was a horrid afternoon for the girls, as Denden Lazaro struggled with reception, and Alyssa was not even much of a threat. And mirroring my observation from the previous paragraph, you know you're in trouble when the usually lackluster Des Cheng becomes an offensive threat. What the hell. I hope things improve in tomorrow's rematch at the San Juan Arena.

* Did you know that the human heart literally has tendons called heart strings (chordae tendineae) inside it? The interesting bit is that heart strings can sometimes break after deep emotional trauma os experienced by a person. This may cause the heart to lose form, and as a result be unable to pump blood effectively. You can literally die from a broken heart. When I found this out, I realized that this is probably how Derek Hale dies or something (aka how I'll get my heart broken by Season 3b of Teen Wolf which premiered last week.)

* Getting sick sucks. As always.

***

Five videos I found these past weeks that you should watch

Frozen medley duet, but with instruments! Amazing!

Iggy game winner in Atlanta

Dwight plays some ball with a kid during the delay of the Rockets' game at Washington

Steph Curry's game winner over the Boston Celtics

Dog Attends Mass Regularly as Tribute to His Owner who Passed Away

***

File under: Beat#0012 - World Spins Madly On - The Weepies (Nettwerk)

Last.fm Popularity: 552,823 listeners

Why music bloggers would like it: A tuneful, quiet record with beautiful lead and harmony vocals.

Why I really like it: It's essentially the story of my life everyday I wake up. This is the song that actually captures every bit of those emotions.

Fave lyrics:
"I watch the stars from my window sill
The whole world is moving and I'm standing still."

If you liked this, you might also like:
Skinny Love - Birdy (Jasmine Van Den Bogaerde)
Nothing Like You and I - The Perishers (Nettwerk)

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On Mindy Nettifee's Untitled - Beat #0011 - Mississippi - The Griswolds

After a lengthy hiatus of almost a week, Badger Beats is back. Today, I'd like to feature one of my favorite poems of all time. I was rummaging through my old blog and happened on it!

Anyway, you can check out the rest of the poem after the jump break. Mindy Nettifee has a way with words. She's pretty awesome.

***

Untitled
by Mindy Nettifee

If a man is only as good as his word,
then I want to marry a man with a vocabulary like yours.

The way you say dicey and delectable and octogenarian
in the same sentence— that really turns me on.
The way you describe the oranges in your backyard
using anarchistic and intimate in the same breath.

I would follow the legato and staccato of your tongue
wrapping around your diction
until listening become more like dreaming
and dreaming became more like kissing you.

I want to jump off the cliff of your voice
into the suicide of your stream of consciousness.
I want to visit the place in your heart where the wrong words die.
I want to map it out with a dictionary and points
of brilliant light until it looks more like a star chart
than a strategy for communication.
I want to see where your words are born.
I want to find a pattern in the astrology.

I want to memorize the scripts of your seductions.
I want to live in the long-winded epics of your disappointments,
in the haiku of your epiphanies.
I want to know all the names you’ve given your desires.
I want to find my name among them,

‘cause there is nothing more wrecking sexy than the right word.
I want to thank whoever told you
there was no such thing as a synonym.
I want to throw a party for the heartbreak
that turned you into a poet.

And if it is true that a man is only as good as his word
then, sweet jesus, let me be there
the first time you are speechless,
and all your explosive wisdom becomes
a burning ball of sun in your throat,
and all you can bring yourself to utter is, oh god, oh god.”

***

File under: Beat#0011 - Mississippi - The Griswolds (Rare Finds)

Last.fm Popularity: 27,808  listeners

Why music bloggers would like it: The Sydney fivepiece come up with a jovial and dynamic tune, despite almost melancholic lyrics. The highlight of the song is the beautiful use of percussion that sets the tone for delicate vocals.

Why I really like it: The album art for Heart of A Lion EP is amazing, and reflects the sound of most of the songs in the EP. There's color and vibrancy, but there's a darkness that claws along the way.

Fave lyrics:
"I won't fall in love with you this time.
I refuse to give it up to you this time."

If you liked this, you might also like:
Wild - Royal Teeth (Dangerbird Records)
Lonesome Dreams - Lord Huron (IAMSOUND Records)

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The Badger Eats || Gayuma Ni Maria's Desserts - Badger Beat #0010 -Thinkin Bout You - Frank Ocean

So it's been a week or so hiatus for Badger Beats. I haven't been feeling well, so I decided to not write for a bit. But no worries, I'm back for more, and we'll start this return from my hiatus with some Badger Eats. Today, we feature a little Maginhawa street classic, Gayuma ni Maria, and their sinfully good desserts.

Gayuma ni Maria is pretty interesting because of the theme of the place, which is essentially love and sexuality. Particularly, all the names of all the dishes here are aptly named with either romance-related or sexually-charged appellations. In the past, these names include N.B.S.B (No Boyfriend Since Birth) which is a pesto spaghetti dish, as well as Tall, Dark and Handsome, which was a chocolate dessert.

Last Friday, I brought my friend Karen to Gayuma ni Maria. We ordered their Pumpkin Soup (Peek-a-Boo) and some pork ribs. But what I'm featuring here would be the desserts, which is something I've had in the past as well: Beats Sex Any Day, and Broken Promises.

I brought Lance here a year ago, and I think we ordered the same desserts. We even played with some of the card games that the restaurant lets you borrow if you want to do something while waiting.

I also brought 'te Rach and Kezzy too on separate occasions, ordering the same desserts. We used to always get Broken Promises. Kezzy and I even bonded over electric candelight.

Description: Broken Promises (which for some reason has been renamed True Love) is essentially a dessert constructed out of jammed together crinkles, topped with some sort of marshmallow cream. Beats Sex Any Day is essentially Broken Promises, but instead of the crinkles base, it has a moist chocolate cake base. They're essentially the same dessert, but with different textures.

Judgment: There's a reason why I've been a repeat customer. I've brought a lot of friends here already because of the awesome desserts, albeit rather pricy. I love the names of all the food here.

***

File under: Beat#0010 - Thinkin Bout You - Frank Ocean (The Island Def Jam Music Group)

Last.fm Popularity: 747,384 listeners

Why music bloggers would like it: This record is more than just a sexy jam. It has a bewitching beat, thanks to vaporous keyboards and buzzing synth cycles, all complemented by Frank Ocean's delicate and endearing falsetto. This is R&B at its purest without being excessively saccharine.

Why I really like it: I just think it's such a progressive beat, from a progressive artist like Frank Ocean. I love his voice. I love his flow.

Fave lyrics:
"Or do you not think so far ahead?
'Cause I been thinkin' 'about forever."

If you liked this, you might also like:
Body Party - Ciara (Epic Records)
All That Matters - Justin Bieber (The Island Def Jam Music Group)

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